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Performing for Toronto during semis at the 2014 National Poetry Slam.
Subtítulos en español por Candela Glikin
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Button Poetry is committed to developing a coherent and effective system of production, distribution, promotion and fundraising for spoken word and performance poetry.
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My therapist says that she thinks i may have depression. But my mom doesn’t want to test me (we do that here). But my therapist is teying to convince her and i really wanna show her this videp cuz it really explains how i feel
for me, depression is sometimes so small it can fit into your pocket, other times it holds on to you leg or jumps on your back and weighs you down....and sometimes it is a titan...and it smashes you into the ground...and you're so hurt and tired that you completely lose all hope of ever getting up again.
And that’s why I hate my parents and they hate me and everyone else hates me too.
What the fuck can you do and anti depressant don’t work and everyone shuns me if I drink or cut.
And I can’t seem to turn to God the only one that ever loved for reals because I think he’s really angry at me for the way I handle depression and anxiety.
Im not that scared anymore but I am worried that I’m not scared anymore because I know everyone regrets ever going to hell
I try to get my mum to understand how hard my depression and anxiety is for me but every time I try to explain it in the best way I can she complains that I’m being “too dark” so the part at the end where she says “mom still doesn’t understand. mom can’t you see that neither can I” hits me like a sack of bricks every time
"I'm afraid of living, mom. I am lonely" 💔💔
If you're reading this then please take a moment check to out and subscribe to my channel. I am a spoken words artist and a small YouTuber. Don't forget to subscribe pleasee❤️❤️
Whenever I try to explain my depression and anxiety to my parents, it’s like talking to a brick wall. You can explain all you want to a “neurotypical”, but they will never understand unless they go through it. Never.
I'm terrified to tell anyone about anything I feel. So I lay here, in my bed, crying quietly.
"Stop watching these things. That's why you're depressed."
No you don't understand. I watch these things to tell myself that others have it worse. That I'm just overreacting. I'm just an attention seeker.
That I dont matter.
All these horrible thoughts go throughy mind but I keep quiet. All that matters is the people I love. I dont care about me. As long as their happy. That's all that matters.
This video is beautiful and she explained these so well. This woman is so brave to go up to that microphone and tell a story. A story about how depression, anxiety, and insomnia tear away at you until you cant take it anymore.
Думаю, это надлежит переместить на российский.
Объяснение моей депрессиии моей маме (беседа)
Мам, моя депрессия – это оборотень. В одинешенек денек, она мала, будто светлячок в лапе медведя, в иной – она и кушать мишка. В такие деньки я претворяюсь мертвой, покамест мишка не уйдет. Я называю нехорошие деньки «темными деньками»
Мама гласит, попробуй засветить свечки.
Когда я вижу свечки, я вижу огни церкви, мигание пламени сверкает в воспоминании ранешнего утра, когда я стояла визави открытого гроба; это момент, когда я сообразила, что хоть какой человек, которого я когда-или встречу, в один прекрасный момент умрет. К тому же, мам, я не боюсь мглы, может быть, это доля трудности.
Мама гласит: я задумывалась неувязка в том, что ты не можешь подняться с кровати
Я не могу. Тревожность берет меня в заложники в моем своем доме, в моей голове!
Мама гласит: откуда берется тревожность?
Тревожность будто кузен, прибывший издале:ка, и депрессия ощущает долг пойти на вечеринку. Мама, я вечеринка! Вечеринка – это я и я не желаю ею быть!
Мама гласит: отчего ты не ходишь на истинные вечеринки? Повидайся с друзьями.
Конечно, я строю планы. Я собираюсь, сходить куда-то, однако я не желаю. Я собираюсь, поэтому что знаю, что мне следует пойти. Я знаю, когда-то я бы желала пойти. Просто это не особо забавно, пробовать развлекаться, когда ты не хочешь, мать!
Знаешь, мам, каждую ночь бессонница прибирает меня к рукам, кидает на кухне со слабеньким светом кухонной плиты. У бессонницы кушать эта способность романтично вселять, что месяц это наилучшая бражка.
Мама гласит: попробуй находить овец!
Но мой мозг может находить лишь предпосылки оставаться неспящей, этак что я иду прогуливаться. Но мои трясущиеся колени позвякивают, будто щелкают ложки в руках танцоров, этот гул в моих ушах будто церковные колокола, напоминающие, что я луначу по океану счастья и не могу крестить себя в нем!
Мама гласит, счастье это выбор.
Но мое счастье это вакуум в проколотом яичке. Мое счастье будто температура, какой непременно спадает.
Мама гласит, что я вечно раздуваю из мухи слона, а позже напрямик спрашивает, боюсь ли я погибели.
Я боюсь жизни! Мама, я одинока! Я задумывалась, что сообразила это, когда погиб папа – будто перевоплотить злоба в одиночество, одиночество в занятость. Так что когда я говорю для тебя, что была весьма занята последнее пора, я имею в виду что засыпала на диванчике, глядя спортивные передачи, чтоб избежать порожний половины моей кровати. Но депрессия повсевременно тянет меня назад в койка, покамест мои кости не станут ископаемыми в затопленном городке скелета, уста – полон сломанных зубов, истершихся товарищ друга. Вся грудная клеточка замрет с отголосками сердцебиения, а я тут беззаботный путешественник.
Я вовек не узнаю по-истинному тех мест, в которых побывала. Мама все еще не осознает! Мама, неужели ты не видишь, то же, что и я!?
When I told my mum I’m depressed she was like:
“Why would u be depressed? U have everything. You have friends and u have a home and some people don’t have the things that u have and you’re depressed?”
When I’m not going out because I don’t want to they are like “why are always at home? Pls just go out” and when I’m canceling my plans and then being sad about it my parents are like “that’s why u don’t have friends, ur gonna stay alone if you keep on doing that”
My parents are always roasting me about ditching school
I hate school, I hate the people there. I can’t be there.
My parents are like: “get out of bed do something productive “
But in reality I just can’t. I have no interests. I don’t have the mood or motivation to study.
My parents are like: stop eating bullshit you’re getting fat and ur boyfriend is going to break up with u, lose some weight
But I don’t have the motivation to work out . Food makes me feel better but also my body makes me feel ugly and worthless
“If u don’t workout ur gonna end up fat, this is ur fault for not trying”
I TRY. I try so hard. But no one understands.
For a short time in my life i felt pretty , i felt like myself since so long . But i fell for this guy and i started putting myself down again :( it's like when i find love depression comes as a free gift with the person i love and i can't seem to know why 😔 why when i find someone i love i have to either leave or face depression and self hate
I can never know how hard it was to portray herself in front of a crowd shaking so badly while expressing her exiety and depression. It's like every time I watch this video, it's even more provoking and intimate to me, so I start to cry. Her body says it all.
Sometimes I cry and I dont understand why I'm crying. Suddenly I have a paper out drawing something, scribbling it out, drawing something else on the same paper until the whole thing is a shiny dark gray thing. Then I go back and erase it and see what I drew, and it's just a fox walking down a hall. All of them are the same fox walking down the same hall. Occasionally there are other things in there, like it has a collar on with a little heart locket. Other times it had a bunch of itself walking next to each other in a perfect line. Other times it's actually just standing still, not doing anything. I never really understood it until I saw this video and realized what I've been trying to tell *_myself_* for such a long time, expressing my feelings wordlessly then scribbling it out, crumbling it up and stashing it away only to get it back out again. I thank this person for being so brave to make that speech helping so many people including me understand at least a little bit of my weirdness ^w^
Wow that felt weird not typing all overly happy like I normally do.... that's the first time I've done something like that..
Her body language explains it all. Her stutterers and shaking is anxiety, you can see the emotion in her face, the way her lips curl and how she is moving like a “robot”. You can also see the dry tear marks on her cheeks, and the way she moves her arms. She is brave to do something as bold as this, and I applaud her for this.
I watched this video for what seemed like a terribly long time ago and couldn't believe how amazingly written and performed it was.
I recently came across it again on my youtube feed and realised how absolutely mesmerizing this video truly is, it has come into my life at two key times when i really needed it. Poetry is always there for you, even when u aren't looking for it.
The reason I came here to watch this was because my mom made me upset just recently. And this video explains a lot of what I'm feeling and I know watching depressing videos probably wouldn't help but it does. I cant exactly explain how but it's because it helps me cope. And I'm sitting here feeling like a maniac talking to myself because I have no one else to talk to that will understand. I've had a talk almost exactly like this with my mom and I'm just a kid. I just want to be happy.
I have seen this poem so so many times, and it still gets to me each time. Sabrina Benaim, you’re wonderful. This poem is wonderful. I don’t know how you do this, put it into words like that but I’m so so grateful you exist. There will never be a better performance than this.
Sending you and all the other people feeling relatable after watching this poem, loads of love and strength
We are all in this together.❤️
Why don’t moms get what some of us go threw? Oh I forgot, because there actually HAPPY
Unlike us....there children
The one thing they love most in the world and they still can’t understand what you go threw
Life is hard when moms think the devel child is better then the angle child
I am the angle my sister is the devel. It’s hard for me when I have anger issues and when I do nothing and she started kicking me when I sit down?! That just pushes me to where I turn around and yell at her. What’s that do ?
(My name) GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW BEFORE I MAKE YOU!! YOU DONT YELL AT YOU SISTER LIKE THAT!
But mom she..
NO BUTS YOU YELLED
It’s hard because I have nobody to talk to and I wish that my life could end..sometimes
But then when I sit there and think
Should I kill myself? Would it help?
Do my prays work at all? Am I even meant to be here?
I try so hard at the moments that give me nothing to work with.. My friend tells me to roll it off my back.. you can’t just roll it off your back you say that but then you walk over there and just won’t let go
I want therapy but I don’t wanna talk to my mom or dad about it...
Thank you for listening if you are down here 😀😭❤️❤️
"Mom says where did anxiety come from" Mother..dear mother you make me happy but not happy enough anxiety is school anxiety is the people who talk to me to convince me I'm not good enough...you suggest me to go hangout with kate or katie or someone but that's the thing I'm not telling you of what their making me go through because I'm not good enough....I'M NOT skinny enough I'm not Ritch enough.....I'm sorry that I'm not a spoiled brat I'm sorry that I haven't rapped to you befor I'm sorry I'm not good enough.......PEOPLE CALL LESBIAN MOM....I'M NOT....that's the hard thing dad's homophobic mom....he won't love me if I'm bi sexual..so I can't love who I do love...I can't be with the people who welcome me most....boys are easier to talk to mom......I like to wear boy clothes mom.....I like boy haircuts mom.....why can't I be who I want to be....I kinda gave it away mom the other day when we were shopping...I saw a pride shirt (it had rainbow on it) I really loved it but when I was looking at it secretly u saw me ....u gave me a weird look why?.....I talk about all these gay people in my class to you because I'm trying to give a hint to you that I'm bi but how do I come out to my parents if I can't come out to my friends because of anxiety and depression...
Mom...anxiety is my life it controls me...
I'm late, but her line about what she means when she says she's been really busy is...heartbreaking because it's so true. I'm never busy; it's just that depression is the bear for a few days, weeks, or months.
reading all these comments about how much people’s mother don’t understand them and reading their experience is so heartbreaking and no one deserves to go through something like that i know it’s hard to talk about stuff when this is what you get from them because this happened to me too and my mom didn’t believe me she said why would i feel so sad if nothing was wrong she was giving me all but she didn’t understand until i broke and i ended up hospitalized for a while and then my parents realized i was trying to ask for help and it hurts me because me trying to commit suicide is what it took for them to believe me i hope you guys can get the help you need i know it’s hard but stay strong
I really don’t know what to do anymore. She hit home really hard, each word having a stronger impact on me. My realization just finally came in, I’m suffering from depression. Wow, this girl can explain this to me but my doctor can’t?
When i tryed to tell my mom that i wasn't and i'm not still ok, she asked me why i have to be depressed if have had all i wanted and then she told me that i hadn't any problem and, if i had, that i had create it out of nothing because i was jealous of my brother (adhd). I still don't understand why i have to be depressed and suicidal... i didn't know how to answers to her
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